The Bastard Lounge

Misinformed, angry, coffee-addled ranting.

Sex is for Peasants.

This week the vile barrel-scraping fuckwits at the Daily Mail turned their faux-outrage towards Channel 4’s Big Fat Quiz of the Year. They tell harrowing tales of the ‘fury’ of viewers, supposedly so disgusted by the show that they felt compelled to stay tuned rather than switch channels or do something else entirely. Our beloved moral guardians have decreed that our delicate sensibilities should not be subjected to naughty words and ‘crude’ subject matter just ‘minutes’ after the 9pm watershed specifically created to mark a point where such material may be present. No, despite being hosted every year since 2004, and being preceded by a warning to the effect, apparently people just aren’t aware that the Big Fat Quiz might feature adult humour. The Mail’s venomous cross-hairs are targeted firmly at Channel 4’s Comedy Department, who had the audacity to broadcast a Comedy Programme featuring Comedians making Comedic jokes. The Independent investigated whether the public at large were indeed offended by the show, and were met with a resounding 95% response in favour of “No, grow up you miserable thick twats”.

The most notable target for The Mail was Jack Whitehall’s outrageously ridiculous suggestion that our beloved Queen may, at some point, have had sexual intercourse with her husband. As any self-respecting Mail reader knows, The Royal Family’s continued existence is all down to regular prayer and cucumber sandwiches.

This is the latest in a long tradition of suggesting that the Royals are somehow, and for some reason exempt from the same criticism as the rest of those in the public sphere. It harks back to last year’s publication of topless photos of Kate Middleton, where the public were caught up in the whirlwind of discovering that an actual human female may have actual human female body parts – swiftly followed by the disappointment in some parties of discovering that those body parts don’t quite look as good as expected in a blurry photograph taken covertly from a fucking mile away.

When the press did weigh in, somehow the topic of discussion was whether or not the Royal Family were more or less deserving of the same levels of privacy of the rest of us. Ignoring the difficult conversation about why anybody should be subject to having candid photos of them published online, the media were torn between:

“They’re the Royals! How dare you show their regal flesh to the peasants?”


“They’re the Royals! Those are the breasts of The People!”

But, not for the first time, all this talk of boobs has distracted me from my original point. The supposed outrage of people seemingly incapable of working their remote control, having clearly somehow misplaced it up their backside along with that stick, is testament to the perverse desire for controversy advocated by certain parts of the media.

Yes, the show would not have been suited to everyone’s taste. Nothing is. But the most confusing part of this whole ordeal is that despite featuring jokes about everyone and everything from Barack Obama to Susan Boyle, the recurring theme in the complaints is that the show had the bare-faced cheek to poke fun at the monarchy. Cue a timely and philosophical quote:

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise” – Voltaire

I could be all serious and point out that the freedom of speech and the freedom to criticise and challenge authority is one of the central pillars of a truly developed democracy – but many people much more intelligent and noteworthy than myself have already done that.

I’ll simply say this instead: Anyone who is genuinely offended by the suggestion that The Queen’s had sex, or that Barack Obama might enjoy a posh wank needs to be sterilised immediately.

Oh, and The Big Fat Quiz of the Year is repeated at 11:35pm tonight on Channel 4 and is fucking hilarious. Watch it.



2 comments on “Sex is for Peasants.

  1. Pingback: Fame. | The Bastard Lounge

  2. Pingback: Blame the Parents. | The Bastard Lounge

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This entry was posted on January 4, 2013 by and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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